Play Leafa For Me!
by Fictioneer
Summary: Leafa treads the real world? Bros' Beware! This is a quickie series pilot for K x L (K x S not so much!) fans seeded with a humorous real appeal and future project sneak previews. Only light racy humor. Please review! PMs are always welcome but reviews matter much more, thanks!


Play Leafa For Me!

By Fictioneer

(An original piece in homage to Sword Art Online characters created by Reki Kawahara)

Late after an exhausting day at the SAO Survivors Academy, I plunked down in the empty living room couch for TV about a cross-dressing high school boy contest show when who should leggily bounce in in more ways than one but -

Leafa!

Leafa?

Here - IRL?

"Evening, Kazuto-kun!" tinkered the perky willowy buxom sylph, gracefully sliding next my gawking stun.

Leafa?

No, wait.

It's not - not actually.

It's Suguha in Leafa's outfit - perfect to a "T" - including ample cleavage nesting plump creamy melons which Suguha always zealously modestly concealed, so I was instantly going to have trouble keeping my eyes properly fixed on her face, though it looked charming cute in sunny-blond locks and long ponytail.

And emerald-green eyes!

"Wh - What's this, Lea - er, Sugu?"

"No, you had it right the first time, Kazuto-kun!" she chimed in a way that was definitely not Suguha but a sylph from another universe. "She was napping so hard after her trying kendo tournament that I decided to slip out and make my real world début to you! Like?"

I sputtered. "Wait-wait! What are you saying, Sugu? That you're - you're sleepwalking role-playing Leafa?"

"That's a mouthful, but I guess you can look at it that way, though it makes me sound like a puppet!" she said with a disturbingly cute pout.

Unreal.

I sat there gawking, totally amazed because my proper and demure half-tomboy imouto wouldn't pull off such a stunt or expose herself so, but then her perky demeanor and absence of referring me as Onii-chan told me that someone else was in the drivers seat here. I'd heard of actors so deep method-acting that they have to be jarred back the real-world and selves after a play, but to actually witness this pseudo-possession of your innocent imouto by her sassy VR persona was unreal. I couldn't help chucking in awe and uneasy titillation.

"Unreal! By your expression and the way you talk and your - er, looks, you're sure not my modest Sugu, that's for sure!"

She tinkered. "Thank you, Kazuto-kun!"

Damn, this feels so queer, like I'm suddenly in a room with a half-stranger.

"Uh, but where'd you get the outfit?" I asked and she suddenly looked coy.

"Well, I had Sato's Tailoring down the street fix a custom order. I have a photographic memory so I was able to describe exactly what I wanted right down to a single stitch!"

I nearly sputtered "Wait - wait! You mean you've done this before? Gone outside too?"

"Well, I didn't really didn't want to, since it's such a dirty noisy world out there, but I just had to for our dearest Kazuto-kun!"

"Geese! I don't believe this! You actually went sleepwalking out there, Leafa?"

"It's not like I'm lost in a daze, Kazuto-kun! I've Suguha's memories to get around here and I'm just as clearheaded now as I am back home."

"You **are** home, Sugu!"

"'Leafa!' And home's Sylvan, not this crowded antiseptic hovel."

"Alright, alright. Just don't rag on our house, alright? You're a guest here!"

What am I saying - but, I've got to play along - or shake Suguha awake, but I just couldn't pop the bubble of such a strange enchanting fantasy of her totally not being her modest self, like some crazy melange of her real and VR selves.

Breezy bouncing melons...

Whose nicer, Suguha's or Leafa's?

Shame -shame - shame!

Blame my blind mindless libido please!

"Uh, er - oh yeah, you got green eyes too? Contacts?" I remarked, Suguha's face looking eerily cosplay.

Leafa tittered. "Yes, aren't they cool?"

"Wait - how'd you pay for all that, Leafa?"

"With Crads - I mean, it's 'yen' here, right?"

"Geese! Isn't Sugu going to miss a slimmer purse? I don't want her looking cross-eyed at me!"

"It's okay, Kirito-kun. She thinks she's ordered it for cosplay just in case."

"That outfit's way too fine for cos-play - besides I can't imagine Sugu ever cosplaying 'in case' of anything!"

"Didn't say she would, just that's her excuse for getting it."

"I'm lost. Saying that Sugu will think she bought it for no good reason, like impulse shopping at a fire sale?"

"Something like that."

"Doesn't telling me the truth punch a hole in that?"

"No, because she's dreaming all this and me. Like, how much do you believe all what you've done in a dream?"

"Hate to say you've a point. Just don't wake up please, Lea - I mean Sugu. Er, whoever!"

"No problem, Kazuto-kun. She wants this chat!"

"Even though in her 'dream' she's clueless that it's all really happening - I hope?"

"Relax, Kazuto-kun! Tomorrow morning dear sib will be serving you breakfast without one hint that this ever happened! Like, do you ever gush to others about your wet dreams?" she tittered with another butt hop closer, melons bobbing. I coughed.

Actually I believe her, since Suguha would feel embarrassed as hell carrying on like this for real. Dreams are indeed your inner demon's playground!

And the sleepwalking kind obviously too dangerous.

"Uh, er - so, just why are you crashing the real world, Leafa?"

"I just wanted to surprise you for our third anniversary since first meeting another in the neutral zone forest!" she announced, hopping a few inches closer. I gulped. Granted she was just Suguha in Leafa drag, but her saucy Sylph VRMMO effect was nevertheless too titillatingly tangible to be alone with.

"Uh, er - we could've celebrated that in FullDive. Where it's safer and less - compromising."

She slyly tinkered. "You needn't be nervous about me here, Kazuto-kun - I'm into Kirito-kun back home, not my host's Onii-chan."

A wry crimp passed my lips. Why did that feel like a slap-down beneath my relief?

"Thanks..."

Breezy bouncing melons...

"Er, so you came out for an anniversary, huh?" I kind of bit my lip since using 'came out' had a double meaning here. "I - I mean, is Sugu going to remember being here like you - like this in the morning?"

"Of course! I'm her dream!"

"But she won't mention it later then, like it really didn't happen, right?" I hoped to her coy grin.

Phew!

My little sister's teasing and yanking my chain in her wild and cocky sleepwalking dream. Still, she doesn't look half-bad at all trying to pose as Leafa, but I'd better not give her any ideas to whimsically do something crazy that Suguha wouldn't do wide-awake...or stroke my envelope.

"Uh. so how long you been pulling this 'Zange-chan' schizo act behind my back?"

"Funny you mention Zange-chan, because I also came out to appeal to all my and SAO fans here in the real-world to please please post reviews at FanFiction, and please also tell us about web sites and stories and art about Kirito-kun and me like in Deviant Art and Reddit and Aincrad Castle and other sites so that other fans can share the fun and hopefully a forum just all about us! And coming soon via contributing art fans will be artwork to go with our stories - even fan voice-acting podcast ones! Isn't that just too cool, Kazuto-kun?"

"Sounds like a great idea, but I didn't know we had any fans, Leafa!"

"Oh, most SAO fans don't say it because they think we're a forbidden pairing."

"Uh, I'm kind of glad you admitted that."

"Why? I know how prim and proper onii-chan you feel about Kazuto x Suguha, but what's wrong with Kirito x Leafa?"

"I'd rather not debate how hypocritical my proper and innocent imouto is in her fantasies, Leafa."

"Such an old man! But Kazuto-kun, imagine what if Kirito-kun never met Asuna then later broken up but came into ALfheim to do a new game and saved me like a damsel in distress from those goons in the forest? Remember how well we got along even though we were strangers to another?"

"Yea, it's kinda scary when you think back on it."

"Why 'scary'?"

"Huh..." I demurred and nearly jumped as the sylph nimbly sidled next to me, her lurching butt nearly bumping mine.

Yikes!

"Hey! Er, I mean - I - Uh, I thought I was just a host's innocent 'bro!"

"I just like to see you sweat and squirm, Kazuto-kun!" Leafa impishly tittered. I smirked. Then, I wager not a few sisters would love to smugly get away with slyly teasing their clueless brothers incognito like this.

"Cute. And Sugu's teasing the heck out of me being you in this 'dream' of hers, huh? Tell me, Leafa; Are you Sugu just pretending she's a hot fairy or does she use your avatar as an excuse to let it all hang out?"

Damn bad choice of words now!

Leafa coyly tinkered, "Wouldn't that mean you've a secretly evil sister?"

"That's kind of alarming if it's so. I'd like to think the innocent Sugu we have is the only Sugu there is."

Leafa clucked her tongue and shook her head. "Kirito-kun was rolling in the hay with Asuna for months but still doesn't know women!"

I bridled. "Huh?"

"I'm more than any flirting fairy back home, Kazuto-kun! I'm your sib's undying pine for you there! Do you really think after having her secret feelings for you blown on that bad day in Aincrad that she just shoved it all under the carpet and 'got over it'? Poo! She's never really blown out her torch for you, Kazuto-kun. But , her shame and honor knows she can't fulfill her pines in the real-world."

"By going after me - er, Kirito in VR instead, right?" I quipped and she winced and simpered like I made one fat insult.

"You say it like I'm a stalking vamp! Just like so many SAO fans believe, so unforgiving and misunderstanding of her feelings for you, as though she's a drooling bro-crazy sis who pounces on you day and night when she simply had the normal feelings of a girl living under the same roof. Do you have any idea of the percentage of half-sibs and step-sibs who fall in love, forget cousins? But nobody dumps on them like SAO fans do on us!"

"Uh, well, you have to understand how it looks from the outside, Leafa. For all intents and purposes we're as good as full-blooded siblings."

"But that's prejudice! Whatever happened to tolerance of all and any love? How much you would you bet that if I were a VR trap that we'd get way less grief from gay-PC careful SAO fans?"

"You mean a real-life brother who's you in VRMMOs? Geese. I didn't think there was a concept even more disturbing than ours, but you did it, Leafa."

"Well, there probably already is out there. VRMMOs open up so many odd and impossible situations!"

"Like having a quiet little sister whose VR proxy has the hots for you, huh? Hey, don't slide over so close, Leafa - or I'll shout and wake Sugu up and she'll be blushing like a boiled lobster knowing she's popping out in that get-up for real!"

Leafa cutely sniffed and hopped erect with crossed arms. "One day I'll have what your sister can't, Kazuto-kun, and Kirito-kun will happily go along because we're too well-matched a pair to fail, just like all our games hint! Golden Boar tavern - ten minutes!" she snapped, swiveling heels and leggily bouncing out somehow fair sassier than Suguha would.

Phew!

Damn! What a close call!

I barely want to admit it to my uneasy shame, but there's something almost salaciously delicious in a saucy Suguha-Leafa blend like that! A few more minutes of her luscious teasing and I might've been corrupting my innocent imouto...

But perked glands aside,

So, that's what Suguha secretly hopes, huh? I ought thank the heads-up her own ditsy sylph persona just handed me!

Suguha pushing her long pines for me into a VR affair on the sly that doesn't ruffle her modest innocence one iota. It doesn't seem possible - but neither that Leafa was so strong a VR persona that she'd hijack Suguha's dream to sleepwalk around so. I've got to get that sassy Leafa to break coming out or she's going to get Suguha in trouble sober wide-awake, but how do I do that when it's Suguha slyly pulling her strings from the mist?

Crazy, this whole situation! Plus it's almost arrogant of Suguha to imagine Leafa can charm me along to fetch a bone and hang with her like a b-friend. I know Suguha still holds a childhood infatuation with me even after that terribly humiliating revelation in Aincrad, but this idea of using Leafa as a proxy to covertly wile me over is just nutty and crazy and maudlin and infantile and regards me like a docile puppy. I'm chugging over to The Dicey Cafe for a cold one and laugh over this weird mushy nonsense!

Uh...Golden Boar, uh?

FINNY


End file.
